Election Outcome Predicted To Have No Major Effect On Eternity

U.S.—Election Day looms after countless time and money has been spent trying to get people to decide between Donald Trump and Joe Biden and Republicans and Democrats. Surprisingly, predictions are that this election ties for the least important election in all of eternity.

“Neither outcome will have any effect on God’s power,” said the angel Gabriel after getting through his standard “be not afraid” spiel. “It’s all inconsequential in the face of the eternity you should all be striving for. I mean, it's kind of hilarious to watch all of you freaking out about this, but seriously -- chill out.”

Gabriel reminded people that God has watched the rise and fall of countless empires, and whatever the outcome of this one mere election, it will be a part of God’s unalterable plan.

Many people objected to this dismissive attitude, noting all the important issues at stake, but Gabriel pointed out that important issues have always been at stake throughout history, and yet God’s power abides no matter what happens in this fallen world.

Experts, though, aren’t sure how much stock to put in Gabriel’s words, noting that he was not wearing an “I Voted” sticker on his heavenly robes.

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