U.S.—The economy was saved today as the new Babylon Bee best-of book, The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee Volume 1, was released on the satirical website's online store.
As millions of people rushed to buy the book, stocks soared. The internet nearly crashed from the demand. Babylon Bee CTO Dan Dillon's hair caught on fire as he ran around in circles desperately trying to get 47 new servers up and running to handle all the traffic.
The book reportedly has all-new Photoshops of classic Bee articles, new features, sidebars, infographics, captions, chapter introductions, and more. It was designed to look like a snazzy family Bible, complete with gilded pages and a leathery cover embossed with fancy designs that creative director Ethan Nicolle spent about three months too long working on.
Rumors also indicate there is a fancy deluxe edition available for the discriminating Bee reader.
"This is pretty amazing," wrote Babylon Bee subscriber and forum user SlightlyDesperateHousewife. "I have literally been refreshing The Babylon Bee's website for the past six months waiting for this announcement."
"Also, first!" Alas, she took too long to type her comment and so was not actually "first."
Finally, the release of the book may have saved the country, as people who voted for Biden asked to have their vote changed to Trump due to the skyrocketing economy.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that if you don't buy the book right now, you ain't a Bee fan.