D'oh! Here Are 8 Critical Errors Made By The Rittenhouse Prosecutors
U.S. · Nov 18, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

Kyle Rittenhouse's guilt as a white supremacist, terrorist, violence-inciting murderer is obvious. That's why the prosecution team for the state of Wisconsin has been so sharply criticized for botching what should have been a layup case. 

Below are the critical errors made by the prosecutors that may allow the mass murderer the freedom to do even more mass-murdering: 

1) Forgetting to go to law school: Sources say they learned to be lawyers by watching episodes of Suits.

2) Letting their star witness tell the truth: Hours training him to lie in court, down the drain.

3) Googling "what does self-defense mean?" during the trial: They must have forgotten all the TV cameras watching their every move.

4) Getting mixed up and thinking they were with the defense team for the first two days: A bewildering time for all.

5) Telling the jury to "look at the evidence.": Oops!

6) Bribing the judge with celery instead of cookies: This mistake alone may have cost them the case.

7) Taking duck-lip selfies in front of the jury box during opening arguments: While the selfies looked great, it just seemed like bad taste, you know?

8) Pointing a gun in everyone's face: It may work in other courts, but not this one.


Sick of the woke Oscars? Why not watch the first annual Babylon Bee Awards Show:

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more serious journalisming

Comments

There are 134 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.