LOS ANGELES, CA — Major League Baseball's hottest franchise suddenly and unexpectedly announced the suspension of all operations today, as the Los Angeles Dodgers were bankrupted after President Donald Trump placed a 25% tariff on all Japanese players.
Despite starting the new season with an undefeated record, the Dodgers front office revealed that the new tariff on foreign players would make continuing to field a dominant team unsustainable.
"We just can't survive this economically," said Dodgers President and CEO Stan Kasten. "We had a good run. We imported a lot of international players, and it paid off for us under the previous trade arrangements. This new tariff, however, has crushed us. We're in the process of declaring bankruptcy and looking to sell off our Japanese players for pennies on the dollar."
When asked about the bankruptcy of the Dodgers, President Trump was unapologetic. "Sometimes things get worse before they get better," the president told reporters. "The Dodgers have made a lot of money by giving their roster spots to players from other countries. It's time for them to focus on signing players who were made right here in the United States. American players, that's what they need. Go look in Nebraska. They've got players in Nebraska, I'm told."
The Dodgers said the team hoped to begin weaning itself off of Japanese players like Shohei Ohtani, Roki Sasaki, and Yoshinobu Yamamoto over the next few weeks to avoid having to keep paying the tariff.
At publishing time, the Trump administration had agreed to remove the tariff if the Dodgers agreed to manufacture all of their Japanese players in the United States.
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