NEW YORK, NY - In a devastating tragedy, a New York doctor botched an abortion procedure earlier this week, causing a healthy, happy baby boy to be born.
The doctor had "serious problems" with his technique, according to hospital officials. His inexperience and negligence caused the women's health procedure to fail and the miracle of life to proceed uninhibited. While the doctor had performed this particular operation before, he reportedly failed to follow operating procedure and health guidelines for the abortion, causing the child to be tragically born.
"I'm so sorry," the doctor said, weeping, as the parents held their precious gift from God. "We tried everything we could. Sometimes, it just doesn't go our way." He buried his head in his hands and began weeping. "A new human has come into the world, and it's all because of me!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
