Brought to you by: The Focused Pastor
There are many glamorous occupations people pursue — movie star, doctor, satire writer… but perhaps the most prestigious and sought-after line of work is that of being a pastor. Though many want such a job, few are qualified. Do you meet the requirements?
The Babylon Bee has compiled the following helpful list of the nine more important qualifications to become a pastor:
Must be perfect and never make a mistake: Everyone knows pastors never do anything wrong.
Must be thin enough to not be a glutton but fat enough to not be hot: You don't want to be morbidly obese, but you don't want to distract anyone with your handsomeness.
Must always jump out the nearest window if ever in the same room with a woman while no one else is present: This is known as the Billy Graham Rule.
Must be able to survive on a diet made up solely of casseroles: Some may be better than others.
Must be willing to work weekends, weekdays, nights, mornings, afternoons, and holidays: Marriage counseling experience, theological knowledge, and carpentry skills are also preferred.
Must be willing to drive a 20-year-old vehicle and never flash your wealth: White pastors only.
Must enjoy attending 12 funerals per week: Be aware, you'll probably be expected to say something at all of them, too.
Must possess a willingness to suffer all things for the sake of the Gospel: Including weekly conversations with Steve.
Must have read the Bible at least once: This one is kind of important.
If you check all of the boxes listed above, you may have what it takes to be a pastor. Just make sure you're a Christian first.
NOT SATIRE: Balancing Ministry and Marriage? We Understand.
Join us for The Focused Pastor Couples Conference and connect with hundreds of pastoral couples seeking refreshment and renewal. Be equipped with the truths of Scripture to confidently lead your family and ministry together.
Hear from renowned speakers like Paul Tripp, Costi Hinn, Dave Stone, and more as they provide practical wisdom and biblical guidance to help you navigate the unique challenges of pastoral ministry.
Visit our website to learn more and register today!
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW: