AUSTIN, TX — "Whoa, bro. Whoa," said Joe Rogan as he interviewed Mark Zuckerberg earlier this week. "Did... did you just, like, blink your eyes sideways?"
The electric moment of the interview came after Rogan had done his third hit of DMT, the podcaster's hallucinogenic drug of choice. Shortly after the drug kicked in, Rogan looked over at the Facebook CEO and could have sworn his eyes were yellow and blinking sideways.
"What is the matter, fellow meat being?" Zuckerberg intoned. "Need more input to determine issue. Need input, Rogan, input!"
Rogan called for a short break so he could detox and come down from the drug, taking his usual three hits of ganja and some herbal mushroom tea to ease him down. But even after he returned, he had to keep rubbing his eyes as the hallucination that Zuckerberg was blinking sideways, hissing, and sending his tongue darting out of his mouth at a rapid pace persisted.
"I really gotta reconsider my lifestyle," Rogan muttered.
After Zuckerberg had left, Rogan said he was "puzzled but pleased" as he noticed all the flies in the studio had disappeared somehow.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
