WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of Kamala Harris' embarrassing defeat in the recent presidential election, top politicians in the Democrat Party have stepped forward and vowed to improve their outreach to "disgusting, bigoted, misogynists" next time around.
"We've seen our mistakes and we plan to do better next time," Schumer said before quickly checking to make sure his dentures were in. "We simply failed to connect with the racists, filthy garbage, bigoted misogynists, privileged supremacists, and Literally Hitlers who make up a bit more than half the country's population. We really need to start making inroads with the bad, evil, repulsive half of the country."
Democrats have reportedly also vowed to do better in reaching out to young men by insulting them and telling them that they are the root of all evil everywhere even more.
At publishing time, Democrats had reportedly promised to help bring the hostility of public rhetoric down by peacefully supporting Literal Satan's assumption of power in January.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
