WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democratic leaders in Washington assured the nation Thursday that they will eventually get around to "low-priority issues" like condemning anti-Semitism among its party members right after they've finished with more important issues, like ensuring all Americans have the right to abort their born or unborn children.
While the House has drafted a resolution condemning anti-Semitism in general, it was quickly expanded to include other forms of racism, and it does not condemn Ilhan Omar's controversial comments specifically. According to congressional Democrats, they would have had more time to focus on her comments, but they were occupied with bigger-picture issues like pushing for the widespread acceptance of a woman's right to infanticide.
"We believe racism in all its forms is dangerous, but especially anti-Semitism," Nancy Pelosi said, addressing the controversy within the Democratic Party as apparent anti-Semitic statements have been made by party members. "But do you know what's more dangerous? That somewhere out there right now, there's a woman being denied the right to kill her just-born baby. That's the real pressing issue of our day."
"Besides, when has anti-Semitism ever become a major, widespread issue?" she added, blinking faster than an M249 light machine gun.
At publishing time, the Democrats had bumped anti-Semitism further to the back of their agenda, behind farting cows and airplanes.