WASHINGTON, D.C. — Several prominent Democrats issued statements this week, condemning the recent assassination of a man who shared his opinion by saying there is absolutely no place for violence against evil Nazi Republicans who are literally killing people and destroying America.
"I'm shocked," House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries said in a statement. "Absolutely shocked someone would attack a dangerous extremist who is a literal existential threat to our democracy. That's taking things way too far."
According to Washington insiders, Democrats claimed the death of Charlie Kirk was simply a big misunderstanding and that they shared absolutely no blame in it whatsoever because they've always been the party of peace against evil subhumans who want to throw "the gays" into concentration camps.
According to Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, who represents Minnesota's 5th congressional district, she never intended to embolden the public to murder when she said Republicans aren't even human and will hunt you down in your sleep with their guns. "Honestly, I'm just surprised anyone took me seriously," she said.
Democrats also claim they are baffled by a new wave of "mean words" directed at them because of claims of inappropriate and, at times, baffling rhetoric that literally incites violence. "This death cult of people who claim we like violence must be stopped at all costs," Senator Chuck Schumer said. "Through whatever means necessary. But it won't be my fault if it happens."
At publishing time, Democrats issued an ominous warning that people mourning for Charlie Kirk and his family would soon start a civil war.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
