WASHINGTON D.C.—Once again, Democrats are at the forefront of making real progress in the battle against climate change. A party-wide commitment has been announced to use only 100% recycled talking points. "Earth first," said Nancy Pelosi at the hearing where the decision was unanimously embraced.
Blue bins have been provided to all democratic politicians as receptacles for talking points to be disposed of, then processed and reused, producing no new ideas. Climatologists say the plan will reduce carbon emissions immeasurably.
Republicans have refused to get on board, stating that the only talking points they'll be using will be produced by liquefied dinosaur bones and lots of fire. Others say nuclear talking points are a viable option that democrats refuse to embrace.
Over 100 climate scientists signed a statement saying that irreversible climate disaster is inevitable if politicians do not stick to using only 100% recycled materials in their speech.
While the effort has been commended by many, skeptics claim that the process used to recycle talking points produces the same amount of hot air emissions and will do little in the overall effort to curb their effects.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.