Red Wave: Polls Indicate Even The Dead May Vote Republican This November
Politics · Apr 26, 2022 ·

U.S. - Democratic leadership is reportedly spooked by new polling data which indicates even the dead may vote Republican in November. Voter turnout is expected to be the highest ever recorded.

Experts warn a "Red Wave" may cover the nation as both the living and dead push back against key Democratic policies such as child grooming and seeing how high inflation can get.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer has sounded the alarm in Congress, advising senators to double down on their unpopular policies in an attempt to improve poll numbers among the dead. "The dead need their student loans paid!" he said in an emotional address on the Senate floor.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, meanwhile, has suggested rising sea levels as a result of climate change are to blame if a giant wave ends up flooding the country.

According to sources, Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has begun binge-watching AMC's The Walking Dead for ideas on how to quell the undead threat. "You need to hit them in the brain. Then they can't vote!" she said while barricading the capitol building.

Sen Mitt Romney feels confident that he'll weather the storm by continuing to plant himself firmly on the political fence. "By playing both sides I can please all voters of Utah and accomplish nothing," said a confident Romney. "No way they'll replace me with an actual Republican."

At publishing time, Sen Ted Cruz has begun eating popcorn as he watches his leftist colleagues scramble.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.