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Democratic Socialist Candidate's Primary Win Revoked After All Her Votes Forcibly Redistributed

NEW YORK, NY—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was elated when reports broke that she had won the Democratic primary for her district, defeating long-term incumbent Rep. Joe Crowley Tuesday.

But the democratic socialist was disappointed to discover that her win would be revoked by the DNC after all votes for her were confiscated and more equally distributed between the two candidates. Democrat officials quickly sent Ocasio-Cortez a bill for her vote earnings, which included a hefty tax on her 15,000+ votes, which would be dispensed more evenly between Ocasio-Cortez and Crowley, as the DNC saw fit.

“A candidate earning over 4,000 more votes than her opponent is a grave injustice in this country. It’s time for her to pay her fair share,” Crowley said in a speech. “How can we pretend we’re a free and just people when poor candidates are barely getting by, while the 1% controls 57% of the popular vote?” Crowley also suggested that all the votes his opponent won were “communal” property that the Committee graciously allowed her to keep.

“Thousands of votes from a well-run campaign? You didn’t earn that,” he said.

After redistribution of votes, the candidates were completely tied, and so a run-off election has been scheduled for next month. The run-off election is also expected to end in a tie after forcible confiscation and even distribution of votes.