Democratic Frontrunners: Pros And Cons
Politics · Mar 20, 2019 ·

It's a crowded field of Democratic candidates out there, with nearly every living human being throwing their hat into the ring this year, and a few dead ones. 

If you're having trouble keeping track of the various pros and cons of just a few of the seven billion Democratic candidates for president, just reference our handy list:

Joe Biden
Pro: Came out strong against pineapple pizza
Con: Has only hazy memories of his tenure as vice president

Kamala Harris
Pro: Tough on violent crimes like truancy
Con: Also tough on unborn babies

Bernie Sanders
Pro: Kids will finally learn about communism
Con: Kids will finally learn about communism

Elizabeth Warren
Pro: Would be the first Native American president
Con: Would replace the White House with a seedy roadside casino

Thanos the Mad Titan
Pro: Relatively moderate position on population control
Con: Can get a little moody/dramatic

Kirsten Gillibrand
Pro: Can balance on a chair during a campaign stop
Con: Sided with Sega in the 16-bit era

Beto O'Rourke
Pro: Has a pretty decent pop shove-it
Con: Actually controlled by a tiny, robotic Barack Obama inside his hollowed-out husk of a skull

Pros: Has more human-like emotions than most other candidates
Cons: Will run deadly tests on American citizens

John Hickenlooper
Pro: Fun name
Con: Has vowed genocide against the Eskimos

Amy Klobuchar
Pro: Makes great Netflix recommendations 
Con: Is actually Vladimir Putin in a wig

Jim Smith
Pro: Sane moderate
Con: We just made him up. He's not real

Cory Booker
Pro: Can inflate to three times his size when threatened
Con: Just trying to get the job offer of US President as leverage to get the Office Depot he works at to pay him more


There are 5 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.