U.S.—Oh no! Democrat leaders sure are in a pickle. They are really trying to be tyrants and enact a police state with their COVID-19 orders and lockdowns, but oops: they just defunded the police and now don't have any police officers to enforce their orders!
"We may have defunded the police slightly too early," admitted NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio. "Maybe we should have welded everybody into their homes and then fired all the police officers. You have to be really careful with the timing on these things, you know." Someone then busted into his press conference and stole his watch. "Police! Arrest that man!" he cried before realizing what he was saying.
California Governor Gavin Newsom just ordered everyone to wear masks and told almost all the restaurants in the state to close, but he's running into a similar roadblock as major cities like L.A. and San Francisco have already begun defunding their police departments. "OK, look, let's just back up and look at the SCIENCE here," Newsom said. "We'll keep the police, but they can only enforce masks and stop people from skateboarding and stuff. But they won't be able to use force. No guns, of course. They'll just stop people with their words, and if the citizens disagree, the police will be authorized to ask nicely a second time."
Meanwhile, many Republican leaders are speaking out against tyranny while pushing for police to have more money so they can buy more tanks and killer robots.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.