BURBANK, CA—DC Comics recently announced on National Coming Out Day that the next iteration of Batman's faithful sidekick and boy wonder Robin will be coming out as a straight, cis-male fundamentalist Christian.
"We always knew Robin was gay," said writer Tom Taylor. "In fact, it's apparent that pretty much every DC superhero ever written has always been super gay. We thought it was time for a meaningful change to the Batman universe."
To introduce some diversity to the almost 100% gay characters of DC, Robin will be rewritten as a faithful Baptist deacon from Indiana, who has a loving wife and 5 kids, and who fights crime in his spare time. He will also patrol universities to own the libs and shut down atheists.
"Robin the Christian Boy Wonder will roam the streets of Gotham with his gay mentor Batman, sharing the good news of Jesus with street thugs and Arkham inmates," Taylor explained. "He is passionately pro-life, and even protests outside the abortion clinic from time to time. He'll also have some great catchphrases like 'Holy... is the Lord God Almighty, the whole earth is filled with his glory, Batman!' We've never had a character like this before."
DC said they will be continuing to push inclusion in their comics by introducing some weak female characters to bring some more diversity to their lineup of strong female characters.
The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don't like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of "We Don't Talk About Bruno"!