BIG BEAR, CA—According to sources close to retired businessman Bob Marcone, the 60-year-old man began yelling curses at the millennial generation, blaming them for his predicament as his poor driving and navigation skills caused him to steer his car right off the edge of a cliff Thursday afternoon.
Marcone was attempting to follow the directions on his GPS, but got confused, muttering something about the “good old days” when he could just flip through a 600-page map book to find his way around town. He ended up going in the exact opposite direction of his intended destination, a grocery store he goes to weekly, and drove 200 miles out of his way, ending up atop a peak in Big Bear.
“I’ll tell you what the problem with this generation is—they’re taking our country down the entirely wrong path,” Marcone said to no one in particular as he steered his car up a closed fire road, still taking the vehicle down the entirely wrong path. “They’ve got no sense of responsibility, and that’s why they are taking our country right off a cliff.”
At that very moment, Marcone thought he had found a clearing that would lead him back down to the main highway, so he hit the gas, but found that he launched himself off a 75-foot-high cliff.
“DARNED MILLENNIALS!” he screamed as his car plummeted down the drop-off, landing about halfway down and tumbling through a ravine.
Several millennial hikers in the area had managed to pull him out of the car to get him back to receive medical attention. Marcone credits himself with his rescue, while blaming the millennial rescuers for his accident.