Dad Arrives At Vacant Lot Where Mall Used To Be To Begin His Christmas Shopping
Family · Dec 24, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

MONTGOMERYVILLE, PA — Local dad Justin Simpson took a trip to the mall on Christmas Eve to begin his Christmas shopping, only to find a vacant lot where the mall once stood.

"Oh man, I've been coming here forever," Simpson said. "I mean, it's been a few years, but I used to love getting malts at the Woolworth soda fountain. Then my mom would always make us buy some educational books over at Borders."

A distraught Mr. Simpson had reportedly planned to shop for his entire family at the mall this year. "I figured I could get the older kids some MP3s at Sam Goody, then hit KB Toys for the little ones," he said. "Finally, it was off to the jewelry counter at Sears to get something for my wife. Where am I going to buy presents now?"

While Simpson talked, several other confused-looking fathers arrived at the empty mall lot. They all stared wistfully at the weed-choked rubble for a few minutes before aimlessly driving away.

As for Simpson, he had quickly moved on to his backup Christmas shopping plan. "I'm going to see if I can find a Toys 'R' Us for the kids," he said. "As for the wife, I suppose I can just take her out to dinner at Howard Johnson's, and then we can go to see a drive-in movie. We haven't done that in ages."


Check out Hasbro's latest update to the classic board game "Guess Who?" - now with more genders, inclusion, and fun!* *Fun not guaranteed

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.