PITTSBURGH, PA — Local company Stan's Paper Mill proudly posted on X, formerly Twitter, a message celebrating Pride Month, apparently ignorant of the fact the year is no longer 2014.
"Welp, this should get us lots of customers," said Clive Wilkins, company president. "People love Pride stuff these days, right?"
People do not love Pride now, however, Stan's Paper Mill learned earlier this week after representatives were forced to turn off comments to the X post in question after hundreds of users blasted the company for being woke.
"It is 2026," one user helpfully pointed out. "Why are you still appealing to perverts like it's 2014?"
According to sources, Stan's Paper Mill held an all-hands meeting after their social media post went viral for all the wrong reasons. Though some employees insisted any publicity is good publicity, the company's board was reportedly in a panic.
"Why did no one tell me it's 2026?" complained Social Media Manager Alma DeWitt, who had just returned to work following a 12-year coma. "I thought people still liked Pride Month."
Competitors reportedly pounced on Stan's Paper Mill, condemning the business as "woke garbage" in a bid to steal their customers. "LOL THEY DON'T KNOW THE WORLD REJECTED PRIDE MONTH," a social media post from snack manufacturer General Mills read.
At publishing time, Stan's Paper Mill had filed for bankruptcy.
Behold! Woke Jesus is teaching when the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in adultery. Listen and learn from this cherished Bible story about how Woke Jesus turned to intersectionality.
