CLEVELAND, OH—A "bizarre, controversial" new medical procedure performed by doctors at the Cleveland Clinic heals babies with a birth defect called spina bifida, rather than killing these unborn children outright.
Liberals reported they were nonplussed by the procedure.
"Uh... so you, like, try to repair the defect instead of just killing the baby outright?" said Kamala Harris as an aide showed her a CGI rendering of the new procedure. "This is really weird. There should probably be a law against this." Harris then called for a no-knock SWAT raid on the clinic but was informed she can't do that.
Governor Ralph Northam of Virginia, who is apparently still in office despite numerous scandals, was similarly baffled. "Wait---why don't they just let the baby be born, then keep it comfortable while a discussion ensues between the mother and the doctor?" he asked, clearly puzzled. "I mean, using medicine to heal instead of kill is just a really strange way of doing things."
Progressive voters across the land were shocked by the render of a baby whose spine was repaired while the baby was still in the womb. "It's not right," said one woman in Portland. "I'm just minding my own business, putting white men on blast on Twitter, when I'm forced to see this outrageous video where a baby isn't even killed. I mean, like, what am I even supposed to do with that?"
Democrats have called for a removal of the "cruel and shocking" video from the internet so that no more people have to be subjected to the idea that an unborn child is still a child.
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