Home > Politics > CNN: 'Our Ratings Are Only Tanking Because Trump Is Killing Off Viewers By...
Politics U.S.
CNN: 'Our Ratings Are Only Tanking Because Trump Is Killing Off Viewers By The Millions'

ATLANTA, GA—CNN host Brian Stelter blamed President Trump for the network's falling ratings Sunday, accusing the president of killing millions upon millions of people that otherwise might have tuned into CNN.

"If Trump weren't killing off most of America by the millions, we'd still have a pretty solid viewer base," Stelter bellowed at the three viewers watching Reliable Sources. "Airports, lobbies, waiting rooms, and gas station pumps are now playing CNN to absolutely no one, since Trump has killed them all."

A guest on Stelter's show suggested that Trump has killed more people than Hitler, Mao, and Stalin put together, and Stelter had to agree. "I'd probably put his death count at somewhere near 7.7 billion," he said after doing some simple math on one of those giant novelty calculators he keeps handy for such an occasion. "We can't overstate the damage this president has done to this once-great news station."

After the segment blaming Trump for the deaths of millions and CNN's subsequent decline, the station continued to air 24/7 Trump coverage, which mostly consisted of the hosts screaming at the sky.


Babylon Bee subscriber Seth Dillon contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Breaking: PayPal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.