ATLANTA, GA - CNN host Brian Stelter blamed President Trump for the network's falling ratings Sunday, accusing the president of killing millions upon millions of people that otherwise might have tuned into CNN.
"If Trump weren't killing off most of America by the millions, we'd still have a pretty solid viewer base," Stelter bellowed at the three viewers watching Reliable Sources. "Airports, lobbies, waiting rooms, and gas station pumps are now playing CNN to absolutely no one, since Trump has killed them all."
A guest on Stelter's show suggested that Trump has killed more people than Hitler, Mao, and Stalin put together, and Stelter had to agree. "I'd probably put his death count at somewhere near 7.7 billion," he said after doing some simple math on one of those giant novelty calculators he keeps handy for such an occasion. "We can't overstate the damage this president has done to this once-great news station."
After the segment blaming Trump for the deaths of millions and CNN's subsequent decline, the station continued to air 24/7 Trump coverage, which mostly consisted of the hosts screaming at the sky.