CNN Announces Daily 'Two Minutes Hate' Segment

ATLANTA, GA—CNN has announced a new "Two Minutes Hate" segment airing every morning.

The segments are mandatory viewing for anyone trapped in an airport or hotel lobby. Enraged hosts will drum up hate against whatever draws their ire that particular day, though usually it will be Trump and his supporters.

Viewers will be worked up into a frenzy through subliminal messaging and the energy of the crowd. Hosts will use provocative imagery and mocking to get everyone really angry and make them hate their political opponents. Triggering images such as people in red baseball caps and politicians with orange skin will flash across the screen until the crowd's rage is built up to a sufficient level.

"Be angry! Be very upset! Be outraged! Everything is terrible!" Don Lemon cried at the crowds dutifully assembled around CNN telescreens across the nation. "Repeat after me: Trump voters are sheep!"

"Trump voters are sheep," viewers mumbled obediently.

Fox News has condemned the Two Minutes Hate, accused CNN of copying their model during the Obama years.

Babylon Bee subscriber Michael Schlecht contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!


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