WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just in time for the Trump administration to move in, a cleaning crew reportedly arrived at the White House to get rid of the old man smell.
According to sources, the special cleaning was specifically requested by President Trump after he visited the White House previously as president-elect to meet with Biden.
"I went in there and I said, 'Wow.' It smelled like death, is what it smelled like. Just wow. Old man smell, me boys," Trump said as part of his inaugural address. "I've been calling him Sleepy Joe but he's actually just Dead Joe. He's dead. And the White House smells like it."
Elder Cleaners, Inc. the crew hired for the task, specializes in the removal of old man smell and promised Trump they would remove the smell from every corner of the White House by the end of the day, or the cleaning is free.
"We can remove the old man smell, but there's little we can do to clean up Hunter's meth lab," Jason Sweep, President of Elder Cleaners said. "It stinks of drugs... and maybe treason."
To accomplish the monumental task, Trump has assigned the FBI to assist the cleaners at their discretion. "You belong to them now," he said. "Clean my house and we'll talk about cleaning up yours."
At publishing time, President Trump was forced to spend his first night in office at a hotel after the cleaning crew learned the old man smell had seeped into the very foundations of the White House, meaning that it could only be purged with fire.
Meet John Larson, a paraplegic firefighter who is breaking barriers with the LAFD.