HAMPTON, NV - Hampton Totally Not Baptist Community Church had a problem: its members were struggling with sin.
Pastor Luke Francis was painfully aware of this fact. He tried everything from small groups to sermons based on the latest movies. He knew that sanctification was a long, slow process, but he wanted to jump-start things.
Finally, the pastor figured out a way to banish sin forever: he installed a "Sin-Free Zone" sign in the church's foyer.
"Now that our church is a sin-free zone, members have to surrender their totally depraved fallen nature at the door," he told reporters. "They drop their sinful nature in a bin by the door, and we collect them and donate them to a local strip club."
Some church members tried to conceal-carry their sin, but the pastor said the church is using pat-downs, sin detectors, and random Bible cover checks to make sure nothing gets by. The church doesn't recognize any valid sin conceal-carry permit on the premises, according to church officials.
"Sounds good, doesn't work," the pastor said. "If you try to conceal-carry some sin here, there's a 5-Sundays-serving-in-children's-ministry fine."