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Church Introvert Dons 'Do Not Greet' Medical Bracelet

LAS CRUCES, NM—Local church introvert Denny Patterson got dressed for church Sunday morning, grabbed his Bible, and slapped on his new "Do Not Greet" medical bracelet, a helpful visual reminder for other parishioners and members of the welcome team not to talk to him at all.

The man's doctor recently instructed him to wear the medical bracelet in order for him to avoid potentially hazardous anxiety and social awkwardness.

One elderly woman attempted to come up and ask how he was feeling about the weather, but Patterson held up his hand, and she noticed the bracelet. She then simply gave him a polite nod and went on her way.

"This device is the best thing that's ever happened to me," Patterson told reporters via text message. "Now, I no longer have to worry about being mobbed in the middle of the church's forced meet and greet time by people asking how my week was going. It's a real lifesaver, and I mean that literally."

Patterson reportedly has a doctor's appointment to try to get a prescription for a helpful "Do Not Ask To Volunteer At Church Functions" bracelet and complementary "Do Not Ask To Carry Chairs After Service" bracelet.

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