SCOTTSBLUFF, KS—With the trade deadline looming, Grace Community Church has reportedly been “aggressively shopping” the Campbells, a “loyal but eccentric” family of ten with a several-year-old 15-passenger van, looking for buyers willing to absorb their membership contract.
The church is widely rumored to be looking to beef up its younger, up-and-coming prospects, and doesn’t have the infrastructure to support the couple and their kids.
“We’re considering all offers,” pastor Chuck Cooper said in a press conference. “They’re a solid family, good tithes and offerings each week, good small group attendance, with lots of potential for growth. We just don’t really have a good spot for them in our various programs, and we’re really in need of a few college-aged kids.”
“And frankly, they’re a little weird with all them kids and what not—but don’t let that scare you off. There’s still a lot of upside there.”
Cooper further stated that the church would also consider trades for women who could sing harmony or those who “make a mean casserole”.
The Campbells didn’t answer their farm’s landline in request for comment, and do not have cellular phones.