SILVER SPRING, MD—As part of its annual Shark Week programming, the Discovery Channel announced Sunday evening it would be featuring the world’s most dangerous prosperity gospel preachers in order to raise public awareness of the deadly predators.
The cable science channel will feature a wide array of prosperity preachers throughout the week, including Joel Osteen, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Joyce Meyer, Joseph Prince, Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, and Benny Hinn, showcasing their inhuman ability to mangle the Scriptures and devour unsuspecting victims.
“This here is a prime example of the prosperity preacher in his natural habitat,” a commentator said over horrifying Benny Hinn footage in Sunday night’s Shark Week premiere. “See how the cold-blooded predator draws in its prey and then goes for the kill? Utterly horrifying.”
The documentary footage, collected over the past year, also shows moving footage of the millions of third-world believers still living in poverty after giving their life savings to the savage beasts.
“The prosperity gospel preacher in its native environment is one of nature’s most terrifying predators,” a Discovery Channel representative said. “We could just keep featuring sea-dwelling sharks year after year, but honestly they’re pretty boring compared to the ruthlessness of a Copeland or a Dollar ambushing an unsuspecting believer and tearing their bank account to shreds.”
“It sends shivers down my spine,” he added with a shudder.
According to the Discovery Channel, the footage will be preceded by a graphic content warning, as the cable channel states that watching Christians become ensnared by prosperity gospel preachers is not for the faint of heart.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.