ATLANTA, GA - Chick-fil-A has come under fire for its offensive, gendered name, since "chick" is a crude way to refer to a biologically female individual of the human species.
Effective immediately, all Chick-fil-A stores will be renamed "They-fil-A," using an accepted gender-neutral pronoun rather than the archaic term "chick."
"The term 'chick' is an outdated word that has no place in modern society. We are sorry for any hurt we have caused to the female individuals patronizing our business," said CEO Dan Cathy before stopping and shining the shoes of the black reporter interviewing him. "Would you like me to wash your car too? Anything you want."
"Um... this is awkward," the reporter said uncomfortably as Cathy started in on her left shoe. "Can you just treat me like a normal human being?"
"Nonsense!" Cathy replied as he ran out to the parking lot to get started on her car.
The restaurant has changed its name several times in its history. It was originally named "Broad-fil-A," but that was changed in the '80s after Dan Cathy's father told him "Never call chicks 'broads.'" They also tried the name "Chick-fil-A Crystal" for a brief period, but it didn't catch on.
For this latest name change, the term "Lady-fil-A" was considered but rejected as it contains gendered language and could offend some, which is something Chick-fil-A never, ever wants to do.
It looks like "They-fil-A" will stick for a while, though, until the masses find something unacceptable about it in a decade or so.