U.S. Weather
Chicago Weatherman Predicts Another Huge Murder Front This Weekend

CHICAGO, IL—Chicago weatherman Bob Lindelson has predicted another huge, high-pressure murder front coming in this weekend.

Here's a transcript of his report:

You might want to rethink those weekend plans! Another large murder front is expected to sweep Chicago this weekend. Forecasters say a small murder storm has formed off Lake Michigan and is expected to grow into a massive murder front by Saturday as long as death winds are sustained at their current level of murderiness.

Forecasters also predict that there will be very little change in Chicago's overall political climate.

If you decide to go out this weekend, be sure to wear your blood coats and blood boots because it's going to be pouring out there. Oh, and here's some advice: try not to get murdered!

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