Calvin Klein Bottles Fragrance Of Church Basement

NEW YORK, NY—As part of the fashion design house’s popular line of fragrances, Calvin Klein is preparing a new scent that attempts to capture the exciting smells of life in the local church, “Church Basement for him by Calvin Klein,” a CK spokesman confirmed Tuesday.

Mixing essential oils and other natural ingredients that approximate the authentic, distinctive, damp scent of mildew, mothballs, and old books, the new fragrance will reportedly be available in several varieties by summer.

“We get thousands of letters each year from passionate consumers asking us to try to reproduce that unforgettable aroma of the church basement,” a Calvin Klein representative said in a press conference. “Well, after millions of dollars in R&D and thousands of field tests, we think we’ve finally managed to emulate the stench of a musty church basement that’s had a neglected water leak for over twenty years.”

According to the representative, subjects in blind tests performed by CK researchers were unable to tell the difference between a sample of the new fragrance and a slightly damp stack of hymnals left in the corner of a Baptist church basement for three years.

“All of our colognes and perfumes are of excellent quality, but we really think we nailed this one,” the representative stated further.

At publishing time, Calvin Klein parent company PVH Corp stock prices had risen by over $120 per share due to the announcement.

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