PROVIDENCE, RI—Personnel working at the newly formed “Department of Truth” at Brown University dutifully loaded up the official department furnace with a massive pile of science textbooks, curriculum, and educational videos that teach that boys are boys and girls are girls.
The order to burn the material came down after transgender activists protested Brown’s recent study suggesting that some teens may identify as transgender partially due to peer pressure. The transgender lobby then discovered that the curriculum in Brown’s biology department still had several references to biological gender “as though it were some kind of scientific fact.” Brown quickly formed its new Department of Truth in response to the protests.
“Hold the door Hank, one more batch to go,” a worker was heard calling out to a furnace attendant as he brought in a large pile of outdated PBS documentaries from a few years back. “We still gotta go through last year’s textbooks. I think most of them are getting torched.”
After all material that suggested people are born as one of two genders was loaded up into the massive furnace, the large heat-proof door was closed, forever protecting the world from the outdated truth that there are only two objective genders.
Setting the furnace to exactly 451 degrees Fahrenheit, workers at the department then reportedly slapped a large red button labeled “BURN” and vaporized the textbooks and other materials out of existence. “It was a pleasure to burn,” one worker said.