World
Boris Johnson Blows Conch Shell, England Carried Away By Herd Of Manatees

U.K.—Brexit day is here and the U.K. is leaving the European Union. Prime Minister Boris Johnson signed the proper documents, toasted a few wine glasses, then stepped out onto the ocean shore. He proceeded to pull out a large conch shell and blow into it, sending a low, warm trumpeting tone across the waves, summoning a massive herd of manatees all strapped to the island and prepared to carry it away to new, uncharted waters.

"People ask us, how could we leave the European Union?" Johnson told reporters before stepping onto the back of one of the sea cows. "A herd of manatees. Wonderful creatures" he answered. The beasts carried Johnson, tugging on the island until it broke free of its European Union ties. 

The call of the manatees bellowed out like tubas in the sea, a sea-mammal celebration. The sun beamed brightly. England sailed off into the unknown, and Boris Johnson could be heard saying to the island-movers, "You manatees made history today."

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