Boeing Honors Whistleblower With Special, Up-Close View of Rocket Launch
Business · Jun 5, 2024 ·

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — In an attempt to smooth things over, Boeing announced a plan to honor whistleblowers with an extra-special, VIP-only view of an upcoming Boeing Starliner launch.

The company has set up a clearly marked "Super Special Seat For Whistleblowers Only", which is uniquely positioned for an extremely intimate view of the launch, according to Boeing sources who asked to remain anonymous.

"Here at Boeing, we don't hold grudges," said Boeing spokesman Damien Mortis. "In fact, we want to reward those whistleblowers helping to make our products safer. From now on, every single whistleblower will be involuntarily given the opportunity to witness a rocket launch like no one has ever seen before. We promise it will be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

According to sources, the first whistleblower enjoyed an incredible view of the recent Starliner rocket launch. "His face literally melted off from the excitement," said Mortis. "The whole time preparing for launch, he just kept screaming in anticipation. We hope this sets an example to encourage anyone else who has damning information about our company to go ahead and come forward."

At publishing time, the whistleblower who had enjoyed the first ride on Starliner had still not been reached for comment.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

Check out Hasbro's latest update to the classic board game "Guess Who?" - now with more genders, inclusion, and fun!* *Fun not guaranteed

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.