WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news today, the Clintons confirmed that Hillary Clinton has tested positive for COVID-19, while Bill Clinton has tested positive for COVID-19, syphilis, gonorrhea, hepatitis A, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, hepatitis D, hepatitis F-Z, HIV, herpes, HPV, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, chancroid, mycoplasma genitalium, crabs, scabies, E. coli, the common cold, chickenpox, giardiasis, infectious mononucleosis, COVID-20, Epsteinorrhea, the Spanish flu, the American flu, the Thai flu, rubella, mono, shingles, genital warts, HSV, NIV, giardiasis, amebiasis, vaginal candidiasis (somehow), and being in close proximity to Hillary Clinton - an often-fatal condition.
Thoughts and prayers, Bill!
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
