WASHINGTON, D.C.—Many Americans are frightened of the Biden administration’s talk about a new lockdown, as they’re still reeling from the economic effects of the previous lockdowns, but President Biden is assuring people that this one will be quite temporary.
“This lockdown will only last one month or until the total collapse of our country,” Biden told the press, “whichever is sooner.”
According to Biden, this new lockdown could last up to thirty days but most likely would end even sooner than that when, due to further economic and political pressures, the federal government completely collapses and the country is taken over by QAnon warlords. In that situation, the lockdown would also not be enforced and would be officially over.
“For this lockdown, I’m just asking you to hold out a little longer,” Biden said, “just until I’ve completely lost all my power and anarchists storm the White House and imprison me in the White House kitchen walk-in refrigerator. Or for one month. But no longer than that.”
Though the lockdown will be over in one month or at the destruction of the United States of America, many think it will still be wise to socially distance by locking oneself in a bomb shelter after that.