WILMINGTON, DE - Joe Biden was very surprised to learn that he won the election this morning, and also that he was running for president.

"Oh, wow, I won? What did I win?" said a bewildered Biden as aides rushed down into his basement to deliver the news. "You know, I keep shouting the answers to that Alex fellow on Jeopardy!, but he never responds. I knew I'd win one day. I don't much care for this Alex guy. Back in my day, Art Fleming hosted the program, and we liked it. Then Trebek comes in here with his fancy suit and 'hip' hairdo, and everyone flips a lid."

"Speaking of lid, Joe, we're calling one," said aides as they slowly retreated up the stairs.

"What! No! Let me come up with you! Don't leave me down here! Alex is watching me! HE'S WATCHING ME, I TELL YA!"