WILMINGTON, DE—As more and more news outlets are projecting the winner of the presidential election, Joe Biden is now sniffing victory.
"I can smell it!" he said as aides gathered around for a victory speech, though he was staring longingly at one woman with long hair. "It smells like strawberries -- is that Herbal Essences Stawberry Peach Fusion Blast? Just one smell... Come on, man!" Biden leaped off the platform and lunged.
"No, Joe! Bad Joe!" they cried, tackling him to the ground and getting him back into the basement.
Aides gave his victory speech for him, saying Biden is very excited to have won the race and that they're calling a lid until January 20.