WASHINGTON, D.C - Joe Biden held a press conference to address criticisms head-on claiming he is responsible for America's higher gas prices. The President strongly refuted such claims, stating that he's not responsible - unless of course, the prices go way down.

"It's simply not true. It just isn't folks," said Joe Biden defensively. "I have no control over gas prices whatsoever - unless, of course, they go way back down again. In that case, then it's all me."

"But for the time being, I can't do much right now. Russia is responsible," the President added. "Should the prices go down again, when Trump gets reelected for example, then that is my fault. All my fault. Guilty as charged for all gas prices." Biden then seemed to forget what he was talking about and stared blankly into the camera for 5 straight minutes.

Conservative critics have pointed out that there are several actions the President could take right now - such as allowing more offshore drilling, removing restrictions, and promoting pipeline projects. But Jen Psaki has already debunked them explaining that even if they did all that, greedy gas companies would just keep setting the prices high.

At publishing time, the Biden administration proudly took credit for a 2 cent price decrease only for gas price to double to a new all-time high the next day.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.