WASHINGTON D.C.—Despite President Trump not conceding the election, Joe Biden has proceeded as if he is president-elect, planning the changes he says are needed to return the country to “normalcy.” Part of that is to revert foreign relations to the status quo, which includes giving the newest branch of the military, Space Force, its first normal mission: to bomb space Middle East.
“You’re not a real branch of the military until you’re mired in a war in the Middle East,” Biden told the press. “So it’s time for Space Force to engage with space Middle East and take out space terrorists before they do harm to our space assets, you know, like the moon.”
Most assume the attack on space Middle East will be motivated by the need for precious, precious space oil, but Biden dismissed this idea. “Come on, man! This is about spreading space democracy,” Biden said, “which is like regular democracy but has kings and queens and especially princesses but they’re, like, elected or something. That’s just how it works in space.”
Trump has denounced what he calls a “perversion” of his Space Force, which he says was built for the peaceful mission of seeking out new life and new civilizations, and building Trump towers there.