WASHINGTON, D.C. - Amid a series of troublesome violations of Taiwan's air defence zone by China, President Biden took to the airwaves to address some of the concerns that the free country of Taiwan might be in danger of being invaded by the brutal Chinese communist state.
"Nothing to worry about folks, invasion is all part of the process. Happens all the time," said Biden. "If China invades Taiwan, we'll be sure to get everyone out of there, just like we did Afghanistan! And then we'll leave 80 billion dollars of weapons for the Chinese to use as sort of a housewarming gift. It's the least I can do for President Xi after he bought one of my son Hunter's paintings!"
The press pool erupted into chaos as Biden was dragged offstage by aides.
"The president was just kidding," said Psaki. "The U.S. will always remain true to our allies, and if we don't we'll just circle back to that later."
When the press continued to shout questions, Psaki responded by diving out a window.
President Xi announced that he can't wait to welcome back the people of Taiwan to the warm and loving embrace of Communism and then murder everyone.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
