WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Joe Biden is in hot water following his annual State of the Union address because of his mysterious sign-off in which he exclaimed, "Go get him!" Now progressives are in an uproar after he appeared to assume the gender of the person we're all supposed to "go get."
"I'm sorry, but him? HIM??" said Director Christopher Wray of the FBI. "Whoever this person is that we're supposed to get could be any number of genders! The President should know better. Also, who are we getting and what are we supposed to do when we get him? D'oh!" Director Wray then turned in his resignation in shame for assuming his target's gender.
The FBI is reportedly working closely with the US Secret Service to discover the identity of the person they're all supposed to be getting. Meanwhile, the Air Force has scrambled fighter jets to get whoever it is they must get.
Rep Maxine Waters was aghast. "How can the president say this individual is a 'he?' We don't even know what race they are! They better not be Black!" she screamed at a bunch of reporters in hopes of inciting riots.
At publishing time, the "him" we are supposed to go get was identified as Steve from Minnesota. He is a Caucasian biological male whose preferred pronouns are they/thar. Sources confirm he's not sure why he needs to be got.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
