REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — President Biden reportedly lashed out in anger at aides after they interrupted his beach vacation for the potential start of World War 3.
"You interrupted my beach nap...for this?" screamed Biden as he looked at images of Iranian military strikes. "Ugh, what do my generals even do? This is ridiculous."
According to Pentagon sources, with American jets on ready near Israel and ships prepared to help shoot down Iranian missiles, they unfortunately had no choice but to bother President Biden. "We know he really hates when we call him during his beach trips, but sadly a massive war may be starting and he's technically supposed to be here," explained Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. "Obviously, we would all prefer to let him enjoy his vacation, but unfortunately World Wars do require the President to sign a few things."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
