DERRY, ME—Police spent the day responding to a flurry of 911 calls from parents reporting a strange white van winding through their neighborhoods and circling park playgrounds. Officers who tracked down the vehicle were surprised to discover the man behind the driver’s seat, staring into back yards and living room windows, was President Joe Biden.
When asked by law enforcement why he was driving a rusted, windowless van through town while humming show tunes through a megaphone, the most popular president in our nation’s history responded, “Vaccines! I’m gonna shut down the virus, one plump little child at a time, one by one, yes, each one of those delicious little...Vaccines! Yes, gonna shut it down, little children...”
The police responded by backing away slowly, turning in their badges, and moving to Greenland.
The 46th President of the greatest nation on earth was later reported to have parked the dilapidated cargo van in a deserted parking lot in the area. Witnesses claim he spray-painted a banner along the side of the van that read: “Free Vaccines."
Dr. Fauci has recommended that all kids line up outside the van if they want to Trick or Treat this year.