WILMINGTON, DE — Upon hearing that Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is sending another group of migrants to his mansion in Delaware, President Joe Biden authorized a mobilization of 20,000 National Guard troops to defend his home from the invaders.
"This migrant invasion of my sacred personal 10,000 square-foot mansion is a cruel and evil threat to democracy itself and I will not allow it," said Biden in a statement. "Everyone knows that migrants belong in one of three places: a tent on the street, a military base, or the voting booth. Come on, man! Blurgflebbit!"
Biden also confirmed that construction of a state-of-the-art anti-immigrant wall around his property has been completed, but that he still wants the National Guard there just in case. "That's how many troops it took to defend the Capitol after my inauguration. My home deserves at least that many!" he said.
Dr. Jill Biden has reportedly asked to keep some of the migrants there, as the massive waterfront property requires a fresh batch of unpaid workers for upkeep. Sources close to the president confirmed the National Guard will remain posted outside the property with no food or shelter until the migrant threat has passed.
Sources also confirmed Hunter Biden was initially excited to receive the busload of immigrants until he was told they had already been checked for drugs.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
