MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA. — Critics of Governor Ron DeSantis are outraged at yet another death that has allegedly occurred thanks to his political exploits. U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tearfully recounted how the Florida governor yanked her from her Venezuelan home and human-trafficked her to Martha's Vineyard, where she died.
Following her martyrdom, Ocasio-Cortez expressed hopes that Taylor Swift sing at her funeral.
After DeSantis recklessly shuttled .0001% of the nation's illegal immigrants to a couple of posh, liberal towns, Democratic lawmakers vowed to investigate whether any laws were broken. After finding no laws broken, the lawmakers then proposed a bill specifically aimed at preventing the use of immigrants as political pawns, appropriately named The Inflation Even More Reduction Act.
"This wasn't the first time I was human-trafficked and killed against my will," said Rep. Ocasio-Cortez from the steps of the City Hall in Martha's Vineyard, while soldiers escorted other Venezuelan immigrants out of the sanctuary city. "And so help me, if it means saving just one child from dying in one of Ron DeSantis' human trafficking airplanes, it won't be the last!"
Following the somber funeral service, the body of Ocasio-Cortez will be returned to her homeland where it will be fed to starving Venezuelans.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
