WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, President Biden has been awaiting results from the latest polls to see if giving Israel a right to defend itself is a popular thing or if they should just be annihilated or whatever.
"The Biden Administration plans to announce harsh condemnation of Hamas or maybe Israel," said Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, "We're still waiting for pollsters to get back with us on which condemnation is morally just."
Sources say Presidential approval numbers have dropped in recent weeks, as Biden has been torn between appeasing his supporters who are pro-Israel, and appeasing his supporters who want to shed every last drop of Jewish blood until the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob are erased from existence.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been overheard disagreeing slightly with the Biden Administration's standing policy of letting poll numbers determine a nation's right to not be swept from the face of the earth. "We would prefer that Biden endorse our right to live," said the Prime Minister diplomatically.
At publishing time, President Biden had called for the complete annihilation of Israel after checking the results of a poll from Harvard University.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.