WASHINGTON, D.C. - Members of the Biden Administration were in high spirits and celebrating the nation's burgeoning economy after the November jobs report showed an astounding growth of two whole jobs.
"That's TWICE as many jobs as we expected to create, double the jobs. DOUBLE. That's no joke," said President Biden slowly, as if lost in a dream. "Republicans told me I couldn't do it, Trump said I was a loser, Jill told me to eat all my pureed carrots, Cornpop is still talking to me right now. Shush Cornpop, quiet, you!"
Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen informed the press that the U.S. economy was now a raging, equitable bull, boasting that the two new jobs and two cents saved at the gas pump were all thanks to the administration's progressive economic policies.
The two newly created jobs - Ambassador to Chinese Tech Oligarchs and Communications Go-Between for Ukrainian Oil Barons - were both filled by Hunter Biden.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
