NORTH HERO, VT - Senator Bernie Sanders delivered a passionate monologue to a dozen lunch guests in the ornate living room of his summer vacation home on Lake Champlain Monday, railing against the evils of unbalanced capitalism, wealth accumulation, and the upper class, sources reported.
"We will never survive in this country while so few greedy rich people own so much!" he reportedly exclaimed inside the $600,000 lakeside home he and his wife recently added to their real estate portfolio, which already included homes in Burlington, VT and Washington, D.C. "How many cars, boats, and houses do these people need? Don't they know there are people who have nothing? How can they even sleep at night?!"
Finishing caviar hors d'oeuvres and setting down his glass of Dom Pérignon, the United States Senator, who earned over $1 million dollars last year, including $858,750 in book royalties - firmly placing him in the top 1% of the nation - went on to passionately describe the dangers of the concentration of wealth in the hands of a few "gluttonous wealth-hoarders."
"I will fight back against this corrupt system until the day I die!" he assured his guests, before soliciting donations from them and then retiring to work on his next lucrative book.