BURLINGTON, VT - Bernie Sanders has retired as a U.S. Senator as his lifelong vision of making sure that America becomes just like Venezuela and other socialist countries has finally been achieved amid Biden's supply chain crisis.
"It's just refreshing to see these empty shelves - reminds me of simpler times visiting Cuba and the Soviet Union back in my heyday," he said to himself as he took a stroll through his local grocery store. He stopped by the deodorant aisle and smiled. "Not a single stick of deodorant to choose from. My work here is done."
"I'm glad I can finally turn in my Senator's badge and gun, resting easy in the knowledge that the United States is in good hands. We'll be eating dogs before you know it."
Sanders says he now takes a refreshing morning walk through the grocery store every morning, taking deep breaths as he admires the empty bread shelves, reminding him of the halcyon days. "We've gotta keep Biden in office so it can be like this all the time."
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.