WORLD — Banana republics from across the globe have begun to feel a bit bad for the United States, and wondering if perhaps they ought to do something to help.
"It's sad. I mean we have sham trials here too, but at least we have bananas," said dictator Omar Carrillo. "I just really feel for them, you know?"
According to sources, several banana republics have begun to express concern that the corruption in America has gotten out of hand. "When we do show trials to destroy opposition candidates, we still charge them with crimes that at least exist. I mean, come on," said General Jose Cavazos. "We also at least pretend that justice was done, instead of just smirking at the press and walking away. That's so mean-spirited, right? We at least give our population false hope instead of just spitting in their faces."
At publishing time, the banana republics had decided to help America by sending troops to help monitor the election for fairness, and also a bunch of bananas.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
